No way in
by name-me
Summary: The events of "no way out" finally push Catherine over the edge but a friend is there to help her through. Spoilers for 9x17


**Set during the Season 9 episode "No Way Out" when Ray and Riley are being held hostage by a gang member in a meth lab. This is my take on how Catherine might have reacted when Greg rang her to tell her the news.**

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. For a moment her heart stopped beating, the world stopped turning and the room became dark. She could hear her own breathing loud in her ears. Her mouth was dry, her throat tight and she couldn't speak so she hung up the phone wordlessly, her hands shaking. She was vaguely aware of footsteps, a light knock at the door. "Catherine?" A familiar accent, a familiar face but in her panic she couldn't place it. She stared at him blankly as he stood in the doorway to her office. "Catherine you alright?" He took a step closer. She opened her mouth to say his name, to tell him that no, she wasn't all right, but no sound came out. "You don't look too good, do you want to sit down?" His hand was on her arm. She stared at it and shook her head, the world refocusing, and her mind leaping into action.

"I uh… Riley and Ray are being held hostage in the uh… meth lab." She nervously squeezed her hand tighter around the phone which she hadn't even realised she was still holding until now. "I need to get over there." She began shuffling the papers around her desk, not sure what she was hoping to find.

"Are they armed?"

"I don't' know." She said not looking up and sounding slightly irritated at the interruption to her aimless searching.

"How many suspects?"

"I don't know, I don't know!" She raised her voice in frustration at all the questions but seeing the hurt look on her friends face she sighed and fell back into her chair, trying to calm herself down. "This can't be happening. I can't loose them Nick" She said, looking up and searching his eyes for some assurance that everything was going to be ok. But despite the words he spoke she didn't find it, only making her panic rise again.

"Catherine, you wont loose them."

"Nick, they are trapped in a basement full of chemicals with a guy with a gun, maybe lost of guys with lots of guns! One shot and the whole place could blow!"

"Cath…"

"Don't 'Cath' me Nick, you know it's right." She said standing back up and resuming her search on the desk. "I have already lost Warrick, and Sara is gone and Grissom left and now this. I can't take it Nicky I'm not cut out for all this." He was about to speak, to try and calm her down, make her see this situation more rationally but she continued with her rambling. "It's not that I blame Grissom for leaving, he needed to go after her. I know it might have seemed as though I didn't like Sara but I did and he made her happy and God knows he deserved to be happy and so did she after everything she had been through." She was just rambling now. Nick wasn't sure what to do with a hysterical Catherine so he just let her continue, hoping she would stop when she had it all out of her system and calmed down. "So I don't blame him or her. Everyone deserves someone to make them happy. I have my happy, I have Lindsay, but all they have is each other and that's fine. I'm ok with that but Warrick, why did they have to take him? He made me happy too you know, I loved him and I never told him." Clearly she wasn't going to stop this anytime soon. Her searching was becoming more frantic, her speech more rapid, her skin paler and paler as she was forgetting to stop for a breath.

"Cath…" He tried again to get through to her but she didn't seem to hear him.

"And then there was Keppler. I was suppose to be in charge, he was my responsibility. And then you. You were kidnapped and, and buried and that was my responsibility too. I'm not going to let this happen to them Nick, I wont do it, it's not fair…"

"Cath stop!" He shouted. "Stop this!" He took hold of her arm, perhaps more forcefully than he had meant to but at least it worked. She looked up sharply, her eyes glistening with salty tears, dangerously close to overflowing. "Just take it easy ok." He took hold of her other arm and turned her to face him as she gasped and desperately gulped down air. "Relax or you're going to hyperventilate and blackout and you being unconscious is not going to help anything." He said calmly. "Ok?" She looked uncertain but nodded anyway.

"Ok." She breathed. "I just… I need my keys, I need to find my keys." Nick reached down and picked them up from the edge of her desk then placed them gently in her hand. She let out a breathy, nervous laugh then much to Nicks surprise, she pulled herself towards him, resting her head on his shoulder, burying her face in the fabric of his shirt.

"Hey." He said, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey come on darlin' don't cry." Although her body was shaking he couldn't feel it for her laboured breathing, but he could hear the muffled sobs. "It's alright. This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault." She lifted her head so their eyes met, his hands falling to her waist. All he could see in those eyes was hurt. He brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, smiling at her reassuringly. "Ok?" She nodded and unceremoniously wiped her tear stained cheeks with the palm of her hand.

"You know maybe you should be doing my job. You'd probably cope much better with it than I am right now."

"You're doing just fine." He said, his hand dropping helplessly to his side as she turned away and clasped the edge of her desk tightly with both hands, taking a deep, trembling breath.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"There's no need to apologise." He told her.

"Yes there is." She said turning back to face him. "I'm your supervisor and this is very unprofessional of me so I'm sorry."

"Screw professionalism Catherine! You're my friend above all else and if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on then that's what I'm here for."

"Thank you Nicky." She said with a smile. He could see she had begun to relax a little and so tentatively returned to the issue of the hostage situation.

"Now I think it might be best if I drive. Those shacking hands could cause all kinds of chaos on the road." She looked down at her hands to see that they were if fact still shaking.

"Yeah that might be a good idea." She agreed. "I just need a minute." She said apologetically.

"Sure. I'll meet you outside." She nodded. He cast one last concerned glance in her direction before he left, hoping that she was going to be ok and that Ray and Riley were going to be ok, because if they weren't he was sure that Catherine wouldn't pull through this. She was so fragile, so on edge. He had never seen her like this before. She had always been so strong, but then even the strongest of people can break sometimes. All he could do was try and mend the cracks.

Catherine ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. She was ashamed that she had broken down like that, ashamed that Nick had been there to see it but it wasn't as though she hadn't seen it coming. It was long overdue. With another deep breath she reached for her coat and along with it, her patented brave face. The mask she had worn too many times in the past was beginning to wear away, but right now she needed it more than ever. For the sake of her team she needed it.

* * *

This is my first fic set after the departures of Sara, Warrick and Grissom so I would really appreciate any feedback you may have.

Also I haven't decided whether I should carry on and make this into a longer story or leave it as it is, so if you have an opinion please let me know!


End file.
